Ideally, we would all have parents who know how to love a child and how to receive the love of a child...that way we could all grow up to be adults who knew how to be loved and how to love another. If this were so, then we would all naturally know how to create happy, healthy, and LOVING relationships. But for many of us, our parents did not really give us these kinds of experiences...not because we are unlovable or they are incapable of love, but because they never experienced it from their parents and so they didn't know how to and their parents never experienced it from their parents, and so on. There are numerous reasons why this has happened all over the world...the challenges of basic human survival, war, poverty, abuse, etc...I won't go into them all here, but the end result has had a powerful influence on why romantic relationships can be so difficult and painful for so many people.
Because so many people on this planet have grown up as children who once tried to love and receive love from wounded adults that were hurt in their own life, there has been a deterioration in what we collectively think love should look and feel like...we end up playing out the family dramas of our past...trying to get our un-met love needs fulfilled by people who treat us similarly to how our parents did...rather than experiencing and exchanging the love that is hidden away in each of our cores. Basically, our parents may not have been the best sources of knowing or teaching how to give and receive love, so we would be wise to question if we have picked up any beliefs about love from them that don't really serve us.
The love I'm speaking of is fairly simple...it's an energy exchange between people that is about seeing, respecting and investing time and energy into another person, while also being available to receive the eyes, respect, and loving time and energy of the other. Life, being what it is at this point in time...as far as the amount people have to work in order to survive...has made it so that most of us, even under fairly healthy family circumstances, did not received nearly enough of this kind of loving experience in our life. This "lack of love" has gotten us away from our pure sense and ability to love and be loved.
A big helper in having healthier and happier love relationships is to connect more with your spirit or your higher self. Part of the path to becoming spiritual or "conscious" has to do with understanding how your family and community either supported you or distracted you from who you really are and who you came here to be...and most importantly when it comes to human relationships...what they taught you or didn't teach you about giving and receiving love. When you really see and understand how this past experience of love connects you with your present experience of love, you will become more free to begin having the kinds of relationships that your soul or "inner child" always wanted and was capable of having all along...had the world and the family been willing and able to support it.There are lots of reasons why people have avoided doing the work of seeing what was missing in the love department growing up. In many ways we had to ignore the whole topic of it altogether if we were going to survive comfortably within the family systems we were born into without an ongoing feeling of dissatisfaction. The idea that children are allowed to question or challenge their parents is even a relatively new concept in Western society due to patriarchal/Christian dogma being passed on in families for so long. This is starting to change, but the residue still lingers within many people, so it can be difficult, even as an adult, to question within our own minds and hearts the quality of love given to us by our parents or their ability to receive our love as a child. That is not to say that they are bad people if they didn't give us that, but if you don't allow yourself to recognize and grieve what was missing then it will likely continue to go unrecognized in your present-day romantic relationships. This will leave you always with a feeling of dissatisfaction and longing or you won't allow love in for very long at all because it will feel too foreign and overwhelming and you won't understand why.
It is the fear and unwillingness to understand what is happening on the unconscious, inner-child level that makes love so hard for many people. But one way of looking at it all, that I have found helpful, is that the challenges and difficulties are simply trying to wake us up to what has been missing for a long time, so we can begin to give it to ourselves now through our relationship with spirit and through healing relationships with others who also recognize that, with a little self-work and practice, love can and should be a whole lot easier...after all, it is our natural state.
Be kind to yourself and thank you for reading :-)
Amanda
Please visit http://empathicamanda.com/ for more information on my services. You can call 1-888-MY-ETHER ext. 12345678 to speak with me directly (if I am available...if not, please email me for an appointment!)
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